what's the worst OKcupid/POF date you've ever been on?

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I don't have a picture, it was years ago.

Went on a date with this little asian girl, she was a tad overweight but I wasn't shallow enough for that to be bothersome.

We went to red lobster, got some food, had some awkward as hell conversation as we both tried to talk about stuff. She didn't have a car, was actually dropped off by her mother so I offered to drive her home and we passed this car audio place and I decided to stop there just to see what they had. Ended up buying new speakers, an amplifier, and a cd player for my car while we were there.

I dropped her off at a walmart where her mom wanted to pick her back up, never heard a word from her again. It was just so damned awkward the whole time. I haven't been much for internet dating since.

Friend makes a POF account, goes to meet some bitch he met off there.

Calls me up and says she has a roommate who thinks I'm cute. I guess he showed her my facebook or some shit.

Make the 35 minute drive out there, get lost, eventually find the apartment

These two nasty bitches are living in this filthy ass apartment with no furniture. They literally had beer and an ipad in there, that was it.

They don't have cars or jobs. It's not even their apartment, it belongs to some marine "friend" of theirs who is deployed in afghanistan.

Also, surprise! They're both single mothers, and one of their kids is black and fucking hideous with a giant head.

We all get drunk, and eventually my buddy takes the one chick into the back room where the two kids are and fucks her... while the kids are in the room

I lay on the floor next to the other girl, and she starts fucking crying. God damnit. She gets up to go puke in the toilet multiple times while I think of an escape plan.

I wasn't going to risk a DUI to bail, so I fell asleep on the bare carpet next to this sloppy bitch and dipped as soon as the sun came up.

Me and my buddy went to ihop hungover the next morning and didn't speak a word about it

I wish I could poz through tapatalk.

Ah, the stupid shit we do... at least it usually makes a good story.

OMFG

Friend makes a POF account, goes to meet some bitch he met off there.

Calls me up and says she has a roommate who thinks I'm cute. I guess he showed her my facebook or some shit.

Make the 35 minute drive out there, get lost, eventually find the apartment

These two nasty bitches are living in this filthy ass apartment with no furniture. They literally had beer and an ipad in there, that was it.

They don't have cars or jobs. It's not even their apartment, it belongs to some marine "friend" of theirs who is deployed in afghanistan.

Also, surprise! They're both single mothers, and one of their kids is black and fucking hideous with a giant head.

We all get drunk, and eventually my buddy takes the one chick into the back room where the two kids are and fucks her... while the kids are in the room

I lay on the floor next to the other girl, and she starts fucking crying. God damnit. She gets up to go puke in the toilet multiple times while I think of an escape plan.

I wasn't going to risk a DUI to bail, so I fell asleep on the bare carpet next to this sloppy bitch and dipped as soon as the sun came up.

Me and my buddy went to ihop hungover the next morning and didn't speak a word about it

that's pretty sad dude

what are some good tips for getting chicks to actually message you back

this thread really makes you wanna contribute huh

some funny shit in here

Nothing terrible, but one I felt bad about. Back from when I was 17-18 in the AIM era 10+ years ago, I used to browse profiles and message random girls in the area. End up talking to one chick who lives near me, shes new in town, looking to make friends, blah blah blah. Sends me pictures of someone who is genuinely very pretty. I was excited. Talk daily for a week and she invites me over. Park my car right in front of her house, walk up the long brick walkway / stairs to her front door. When she answers shes probably 30lbs overweight. Now, thinking back, Im sure ive done worse at last call, but this was when I was finishing high school and had some illusion of morals and standards or being a good person. Whatever stupid shit you think at 18. So she smiles and says hi and invites me in. I smile and with my best poker face say I left something in the car. I walk calmly all the way back down this walkway down the middle of her front lawn in broad daylight, just feeling this girls eyes on me the whole time. I walk to the street and without looking up calmly open my car, get in, start it, and take off. Received a ton of shitty messages from her, of which I responded to none. Ended up running into her again like a year later as she had became friends with my brothers g/f. Good times.

Friend makes a POF account, goes to meet some bitch he met off there.

Calls me up and says she has a roommate who thinks I'm cute. I guess he showed her my facebook or some shit.

Make the 35 minute drive out there, get lost, eventually find the apartment

These two nasty bitches are living in this filthy ass apartment with no furniture. They literally had beer and an ipad in there, that was it.

They don't have cars or jobs. It's not even their apartment, it belongs to some marine "friend" of theirs who is deployed in afghanistan.

Also, surprise! They're both single mothers, and one of their kids is black and fucking hideous with a giant head.

We all get drunk, and eventually my buddy takes the one chick into the back room where the two kids are and fucks her... while the kids are in the room

I lay on the floor next to the other girl, and she starts fucking crying. God damnit. She gets up to go puke in the toilet multiple times while I think of an escape plan.

I wasn't going to risk a DUI to bail, so I fell asleep on the bare carpet next to this sloppy bitch and dipped as soon as the sun came up.

Me and my buddy went to ihop hungover the next morning and didn't speak a word about it

i think if POF had a real life testimonials section, every entry would be this

so me and this chick are making out and about to go to her room. I have been holding in a fart for awhile. I tell her I had to go to my car to grab something. I walk outside and start letting the farts go, then I shit myself. Oh fuck what do i do? I go back inside all smooth like and say I need to take a piss before we continue. Go into her washroom, no toilet paper, no towels nothing. WTF. I walk out and say I need toilet paper to blow my nose, get it, clean up, go back to her room. I was unsure about any smells so whenever she tried to go down on me i would flip around her and go down on her. Great success

Not a PoF story but a female friend of mine invited me out to a bar we liked. She said a few people were going to be there and I thought nothing of it until she told me that a coworker of hers saw my pic on her phone and thought I was cute. Fucking alarms go off but I went anyway. Figured I could just be polite and have my beers, watch the live band and head on home.
Nope. Girl is chubby but not overly huge. Biggest girl I've ever nailed but I'm not much for having super high standards. Non-smelly, well kempt and no kids was about it. Ended up getting this bitch dumped on me as the rest of the group sort of wandered off. Girl is lonely, I'm lonely and both a little drunk.
I follow her back to her place but she has to stop at McDonalds first.
She tosses the bag and cup in the dumpster near her apt. which means her fat ass finished it all in the car. Turns out her roommate was the semi-cute asian chick I saw at the bar. Semi-Cute asian was fucking some guy she met in her room but didn't bother to close the door. Fatniss and I head into her room where she starts undressing me and gives me a pretty good blowjob. Things are looking up.
I get her naked and realize that she had on some sort of girdle/SPANX type thing on. At least the pussy is shaven and I can ignore the cottage cheese.
She is fucking horrible in the sack. Faking all sorts of noises and getting way to into it. I'm having trouble keeping hard. Finish up, pull the rubber off and fall asleep.
End up quietly sneaking out at the same time as the other guy who was fucking the asian girl. Most awkward shit in the world.

She calls up about an hour later mad that I didn't stay the whole night. Calls a few more times and I ignore her. Finally my friend who dumped chubby on me tells me I'm fucked up for not returning phone calls. Didn't like the answer that it was only sex, it wasn't that great and I'm not looking to wife the whale.


Lesson to be learned: Don't ever say "wife the whale" on the phone if you're not sure the other person isn't listening in on a 3-way.

"she was pretty swift for a beluga"

actually laughed out loud

Lesson to be learned: Don't ever say "wife the whale" on the phone if you're not sure the other person isn't listening in on a 3-way.

about 23, I'm making a killing in the mortgage boom at this time, have a Jaguar, breitling etc. all the dumb kid flashy shit.
meet this chick on POF, seems cool, pics are kinda cute, set up a date
drive over to restaurant, walk in the door, girl is 100 lbs heavier than pics
dont have the heart to just leave, decide to sit through date out of pity
5 minutes into date her mom walks over "glad to meet you, just wanted to make sure she wasnt meeting an axe murderer"
spend the next hour listening to how fucking crazy this bitch was
finally pay the bill, getting ready to say good bye "oh yeah, my mom was my ride, you can drive me home" - fuck
turns out she lives 45 minutes away, whole drive she's saying WOW nice car, i bet you make a lot, our kids sure will be gorgeous, i want a big wedding, you better buy me a louis vuitton purse for my bday ect - I'm trying not to lose it.
we get to her house, she tries to lean in for a kiss, i dodge that shit like the matrix, she starts balling uncontrollably, I'm doing my best not to laugh because she is literally crying like a toddler and looks like it
I lean over - she thinks its for a kiss, stops crying immediately, starts smiling - i unbuckle her seat belt and open the door - she immediately goes full retard crying, I have to gently push her out the door of the car
last thing i see in the rear view is her lying in her driveway kicking her arms and legs full on retard crying.

about 23, I'm making a killing in the mortgage boom at this time, have a Jaguar, breitling etc. all the dumb kid flashy shit.
meet this chick on POF, seems cool, pics are kinda cute, set up a date
drive over to restaurant, walk in the door, girl is 100 lbs heavier than pics
dont have the heart to just leave, decide to sit through date out of pity
5 minutes into date her mom walks over "glad to meet you, just wanted to make sure she wasnt meeting an axe murderer"
spend the next hour listening to how fucking crazy this bitch was
finally pay the bill, getting ready to say good bye "oh yeah, my mom was my ride, you can drive me home" - fuck
turns out she lives 45 minutes away, whole drive she's saying WOW nice car, i bet you make a lot, our kids sure will be gorgeous, i want a big wedding, you better buy me a louis vuitton purse for my bday ect - I'm trying not to lose it.
we get to her house, she tries to lean in for a kiss, i dodge that shit like the matrix, she starts balling uncontrollably, I'm doing my best not to laugh because she is literally crying like a toddler and looks like it
I lean over - she thinks its for a kiss, stops crying immediately, starts smiling - i unbuckle her seat belt and open the door - she immediately goes full retard crying, I have to gently push her out the door of the car
last thing i see in the rear view is her lying in her driveway kicking her arms and legs full on retard crying.

I lost it on this one.

I had the old bait and switch pulled on me when I met a girl off OKCupid ~2 years ago. She was cute in her pictures.. but they were when she was a few pounds lighter. She didn't have a car at the time because her car blew up or some shit so I had to pick her up from her apartment. We went to the bar and killed a few buckets of beer. She ended up being pretty cool and was just going through a rough patch in her life. I had sex with her the second time we hung out.. which was interesting since she probably weighed about the same as I did(180ish). I'm actually friends with her today and she's lost a shit ton of weight. I'll probably bang her again if her and her current boyfriend break up for whatever reason.

about 23, I'm making a killing in the mortgage boom at this time, have a Jaguar, breitling etc. all the dumb kid flashy shit.
meet this chick on POF, seems cool, pics are kinda cute, set up a date
drive over to restaurant, walk in the door, girl is 100 lbs heavier than pics
dont have the heart to just leave, decide to sit through date out of pity
5 minutes into date her mom walks over "glad to meet you, just wanted to make sure she wasnt meeting an axe murderer"
spend the next hour listening to how fucking crazy this bitch was
finally pay the bill, getting ready to say good bye "oh yeah, my mom was my ride, you can drive me home" - fuck
turns out she lives 45 minutes away, whole drive she's saying WOW nice car, i bet you make a lot, our kids sure will be gorgeous, i want a big wedding, you better buy me a louis vuitton purse for my bday ect - I'm trying not to lose it.
we get to her house, she tries to lean in for a kiss, i dodge that shit like the matrix, she starts balling uncontrollably, I'm doing my best not to laugh because she is literally crying like a toddler and looks like it
I lean over - she thinks its for a kiss, stops crying immediately, starts smiling - i unbuckle her seat belt and open the door - she immediately goes full retard crying, I have to gently push her out the door of the car
last thing i see in the rear view is her lying in her driveway kicking her arms and legs full on retard crying.

fucking excellent

this thread really makes you wanna contribute huh

i think it'd make for some great stories

just found this beauty on okcupid





can't figure out if it's a man or a woman

Several years ago. My Ex breaks up with me and leaves me pretty devastated. I decide the best course of action is to just bang some random slore and get over it.

I was 19 or 20 at the time so bars were a no go. It was a weekday at like 10pm so I hit up craigslist knowing full well this is an awful idea.

exchange emails with this girl, she sends pictures. In real life I would throw rock at this girl but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly. She's close to my age, asian and a slight chubster. She says she lives in Southeast San Jose and that I should come over.

I drive all the way over there and it looks like a pretty normal house for SE San Jose. I go up and knock and she answers in what look like PJs, without any makeup her face looks like the fucking moon with large acne craters. GROSS, oh well I'm already here. As she invites me in she says, "soooo we have to do this quick because my brothers are at the bars and if they come home and find a white guy in here they will kill you."

We start to mess around and she stops me and goes, umm I'm on my period I hope thats okay. FUCKKKKK but at this point I was already committed. I banged the shebeast on her period with a condom, stopping everytime I heard a noise thinking these fucking Triad gangsters were gonna bust in and merc me. I came on her face and left the bloody condom on her floor. I was probably only in that house maybe 15 minutes. Not the proudest moment of my life.

I fucking lost it at this

so me and this chick are making out and about to go to her room. I have been holding in a fart for awhile. I tell her I had to go to my car to grab something. I walk outside and start letting the farts go, then I shit myself. Oh fuck what do i do? I go back inside all smooth like and say I need to take a piss before we continue. Go into her washroom, no toilet paper, no towels nothing. WTF. I walk out and say I need toilet paper to blow my nose, get it, clean up, go back to her room. I was unsure about any smells so whenever she tried to go down on me i would flip around her and go down on her. Great success

hahah that's like my worst nightmare

about 23, I'm making a killing in the mortgage boom at this time, have a Jaguar, breitling etc. all the dumb kid flashy shit.
meet this chick on POF, seems cool, pics are kinda cute, set up a date
drive over to restaurant, walk in the door, girl is 100 lbs heavier than pics
dont have the heart to just leave, decide to sit through date out of pity
5 minutes into date her mom walks over "glad to meet you, just wanted to make sure she wasnt meeting an axe murderer"
spend the next hour listening to how fucking crazy this bitch was
finally pay the bill, getting ready to say good bye "oh yeah, my mom was my ride, you can drive me home" - fuck
turns out she lives 45 minutes away, whole drive she's saying WOW nice car, i bet you make a lot, our kids sure will be gorgeous, i want a big wedding, you better buy me a louis vuitton purse for my bday ect - I'm trying not to lose it.
we get to her house, she tries to lean in for a kiss, i dodge that shit like the matrix, she starts balling uncontrollably, I'm doing my best not to laugh because she is literally crying like a toddler and looks like it
I lean over - she thinks its for a kiss, stops crying immediately, starts smiling - i unbuckle her seat belt and open the door - she immediately goes full retard crying, I have to gently push her out the door of the car
last thing i see in the rear view is her lying in her driveway kicking her arms and legs full on retard crying.

about 23, I'm making a killing in the mortgage boom at this time, have a Jaguar, breitling etc. all the dumb kid flashy shit.
meet this chick on POF, seems cool, pics are kinda cute, set up a date
drive over to restaurant, walk in the door, girl is 100 lbs heavier than pics
dont have the heart to just leave, decide to sit through date out of pity
5 minutes into date her mom walks over "glad to meet you, just wanted to make sure she wasnt meeting an axe murderer"
spend the next hour listening to how fucking crazy this bitch was
finally pay the bill, getting ready to say good bye "oh yeah, my mom was my ride, you can drive me home" - fuck
turns out she lives 45 minutes away, whole drive she's saying WOW nice car, i bet you make a lot, our kids sure will be gorgeous, i want a big wedding, you better buy me a louis vuitton purse for my bday ect - I'm trying not to lose it.
we get to her house, she tries to lean in for a kiss, i dodge that shit like the matrix, she starts balling uncontrollably, I'm doing my best not to laugh because she is literally crying like a toddler and looks like it
I lean over - she thinks its for a kiss, stops crying immediately, starts smiling - i unbuckle her seat belt and open the door - she immediately goes full retard crying, I have to gently push her out the door of the car
last thing i see in the rear view is her lying in her driveway kicking her arms and legs full on retard crying.

this might be the best one yet.

This was several years ago when myspace was still cool. I met a girl on there, I think her name was Bethany. Anyway, we went and ate at buffalo wild wings. Got back to the car and the battery was dead. I called up a friend who just happened to be cruising in the area and he gave me a jump. She invited me back to her place. I remember we looked at paint samples because she was painting the inside of her house and wanted a 2nd opinion, and I met her dog. I thought it went well. I didn't make any moves because I usually wait until we are a few dates in to see if there's anything there or not. Next day I got on Myspace and she had unfriended me. I guess that meant she didn't like me